Christmas in March some overly-excited punters call it, the Annual Cheltenham Horse Racing Festival/GREAT MONEY BURN begins today with millions of euro set to be splurged/set alight in the search for the fastest equine.
A young enthusiastic yet slightly naive punter told Sportgeek.ie that Cheltenham was the “highlight of the year” allowing him to go out drinking at lunchtime before heading home around 6pm a broken man with a lack of proverbial shillings to rub together.
“It’s Savage Craic though and the buzz of getting a winner, well you can’t really beat it!” he added before readily admitting that said winnings cruelly and inevitably make their way back over the bookies counter to their eternal destined resting place.
Irish folks that don’t intend on partaking in the annual ritual are told to sit back relax and spectate the large clouds of smoke, no not from the electing of a new taoiseach, but from in fact the large pools of cash going up in flames with reckless abandon/enjoyment.
A Seasoned Gambler got in touch with Sportgeek saying that this was in fact his 10th year on the trot committing arson on his bank account and that it gives him great pleasure struggling to pay the bills post Cheltenham adding “sure it gets me out of the house, it’s a social thing, drinking and betting…BLISS!”.
An independent study conducted by Sportgeek has established some incredible evidence about the horses partaking in this years and every years festival.
Our findings dramatically show that none of the horses are actually conscious of what is going on and that indeed are not aware it is the desired intention for them to finish ahead of their fellow species and delight the masses/beat the bookies.
However conspiracy theorists have vaunted a theory over the last few years that the horses are actually conscious of what is happening and “take the piss” intentionally losing just to piss off mug punters and when that gets boring they occasionally fix a race among themselves for proverbial “shits and giggles” to upset the bookies.
Whatever you believe, it is set to be another entertaining festival as this year seems set to set a record for money incinerated/relationships ruined.
THIS MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY FALSE
